"RESUME BLUNDERS" - Johnny Miller
In my contracts management career, I have written numerous resumes.
Also, I have reviewed many resumes of people looking for a job. A resume is a summary of your
qualifications, professional experience, accomplishments, skills, education, and professional affiliations. The
primary purpose of a resume is to get your foot in the door. It is often said that a resume does its job successfully if it
does not exclude you from further consideration for employment. Set out below are 57 amusing examples of
actual and hypothetical resume statements (that I have collected over the years) that would probably exclude you from further
1. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
2. Here are my qualifications
for you to overlook.
3. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
I am very detail-oreinted.
5. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my
ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
6. It's best for employers that I not work with
7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
writing skills and thought processes have slowed down some.
9. Seek challenges that test my mind
and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
10. My experience in horticulture is well-rooted.
Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
12. I am a rabid typist.
13. I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
14. I have a bachelorette degree in Political
15. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very
good at math.
16. Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.
Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
18. Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping.
I have never quit a job.
19. Worked as a Corporate Lesion.
20. Special Skills:
21. I am interested in applying what I learnt in college.
Served as assistant sore manager.
23. Will not relocate. But if I can get a job out-of-state, it is
not a problem for me to move.
24. Increased sales and closed business.
eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a
27. Special skills: Thyping.
28.Reason for leaving last job: Bounty
hunting was outlawed in my state.
29. I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
30. My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
31. I can play
well with others.
32. Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.
33. Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.
34. Education: Graduated from
predatory school with honors.
35. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
36. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
37. Work best with
kids five and under.
38. Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.
40. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing agreements.
41. I demand a
salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
42. Received a plague for employee of the Year.
43. Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
44. Have extensive
experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product
development and implementation.
am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
47. Previous experience: Administrative
Assitant. Required high detail orentation and acuracy.
48. Previous rank: Senior instigator.
49. Looking for an employer that believes in prompting from within.
50. I have recently
sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
51. Interests: Music,
52. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others
with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
53. Strengths: Impersonal skills.
54. Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
55. Other: Drafted in the Army in
56. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from
57. Referees available upon request.
a resume, many issues must be carefully considered. Be accurate in spelling, punctuation, grammar, word choice,
design, and proof-reading.
be a resume blunder victim.